The Perils of an Unexamined Life

A week ago, I never would have told you I had a problem with being offline. I wasn’t one of those people, the kind who gets messy, leaving their phone in another room and failing to hide their calm demeanor. My disconnection had never caused a social faux pas, like making uninterrupted eye contact with a friend or asking if we could just enjoy the silence for a moment.

My revelation, as many do, began with a moment of technological failure. I was sitting in Caffe Nachat in Dizengof Square, where the aroma of freshly ground coffee promises productivity. I reached for my phone to capture the perfect latte art, a fleeting masterpiece of steamed milk, and found the battery was dead. I looked forward to my first sip of coffee, but a different question surfaced in my mind. Does being disconnected interfere with your life? I couldn’t help but remember a recent hike where, lacking a signal, I had to find my way back using only a faded trail marker and a vague sense of direction. The horror.

I told myself it was fine. If my friends and family don’t want to exist as curated content, that’s their business. But then another thought followed. Do you feel comfortable only when spending time with people who are also not documenting the experience? I had to admit to feeling “seen,” which, honestly, made me want to check my notifications.

Does being offline make you feel more hopeful, more alive? I didn't see what was so wrong with that. I work hard all week, and I have so few other vices. What's a couple of phoneless hours and the absolute confidence that no one expects an immediate reply? What’s a few unread emails and a glance at the world not mediated by a screen, knowing you’re not contributing to the endless scroll? Don't you deserve to have a thought, giddy with the realization that it’s entirely your own and not an echo of the day’s trending topics?

With every moment spent away from the glowing rectangle, I know that tomorrow I will wake with a slightly less cluttered mind. With every resisted urge to check my feed, I grow more confident in my ability to form a coherent sentence. With every un-posted photo, I feel more whole.

Does being disconnected give your life purpose?

“Shit,” I thought, remembering the time my Kindle died mid-chapter on a long flight, leaving me alone with nothing but my own thoughts and the in-flight magazine. I recalled the ghost of a vibration in my pocket, a phantom alert from an app I had deleted months ago. I was bleary with the exhaustion of being present, another hour gone and for what? I reminded myself, “Well, at least I can be offline,” as I ignored the world’s frantic stare and took a sip of water I could actually taste.

I darkened the screen of my mind, comments from my own digital creations ringing through my ears. The AI tutor in Languizy would probably ask, "Remember when you used to check my server status obsessively?". My digital garden would whisper, "You haven't watered me with new content in a whole day". My productivity apps would surely stage an intervention. "Think of all the downsides to being offline," they would say. "The unoptimized moments, the uncaptured data, the weekend mornings when you wake up refreshed but undocumented."

"Is being disconnected more important than us?" And I leaned back in my chair, my eyes filling with tears as I realized just how sick I had become.

I reached for my phone on the table but no, I thought, stopping my hand halfway. I was done with all that. I was done! I would pour all my analog thoughts down the drain! Well, maybe not all of them. They were valuable, and I’d want to keep a few around in case any other disconnected guests came over. I wouldn’t judge. God knows, I wasn’t one to criticize anyone for being offline.

"Am I making up excuses?" I wondered as I stood, the cool, inert phone in my hand, beckoning me with the promise of endless information. An online quiz might say that I was. But how reliable are they, really?

I picked up the phone and took just one look. And then another, reveling in the refreshment of connectivity yes, for the last time. Or maybe I was being too extreme. I shouldn’t rush into anything. Maybe I should start with a Digital January. But for now, it was July.

I took another look.